My current life: Sumarized!

It's been one heck of a ride this year. I can't stand it. Also, apparently some girls in my class don't like me. That kinda sucks. But whatever.

Grant. Why. Just... Why. No. Not allowed. :(

Siiiiiiiiigh. My brother's friend is visiting, and despite the fact she claims she likes me more than him, I... can't help but think a middle school girl just doesn't do well hanging out with two college age kids. It just doesn't seem to work.

Also: I feel like a terrible person. My brother and his friends have an RP (role play) forum they use called Lovesick. Today my brother had it open on his computer while he was showing me something else. I memorized the URL (it was pretty short and easy), and went to it a little later. I wanted to make an account, so I did. It sent the authorization email, but I never authorized it. I just deleted my account. I had that feeling in my chest that I was doing something I shouldn't have been. And I guess I was. I don't want to join unless someone invites me too. It's like sneaking into claimed territory. It's HIS forum, with HIS online friends. I don't want to just... come in there and ruin his privacy and take all that away from him! Lately, he's been (as he says) 'disappoint' with me. I seriously don't want him to be. He's practically the only person left in the house I can TALK to, even though he's gone a lot, since he's going to college now.

I.... I just don't know what to do. It's complicated. I wish I could go back to being a naïve little kid. When I didn't have to worry about this. I wish a lot of things.

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AWOL and Current Going-ons

So, I've been absent without official leave for awhile now. I didn't exactly MEAN to. It just happened. I got caught up in life, I suppose. But now seems like as good a time as any to rant my feelings to the internet.
I'm going to a new school since I last posted, and in short, it sucks. I miss all of my friends. I don't feel like I can be myself. There's lots of peer pressure. Everyone hates each other, and they talk about each other behind their backs all the time. It almost makes me wonder if anyone says anything about me. You know what Oscar Wilde says, "The only thing worse than being talked about, is not being talked about." But yeah, it sucks. And I've been feeling really bad lately. Probably because I haven't been talking my anti-anxiety/depressants lately. *laughs dryly*
And the friends that I can get in contact and hang out with occasionally... I feel like they're drifting away. Like, even if I went to them with my problems, they would laugh at them. Because that's the only thing anybody seems able to do lately. Laugh. It might not be at me, but when I try to look at something seriously, everyone makes fun of it.
I don't feel like I have anyone to turn to. Heck, even my own mom makes fun of me practically everyday. Everyone seems so foreign and menacing. Even friends I've had for a couple years that I talk to online all the time suddenly seem like different people. Meaner, always laughing.
I really don't know what else to say, I guess I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest. I'll check back in later, I guess.

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A Meaningful Conversation

Recently I've thoroughly wanting to have a conversation as follows:
Person 1: "I like bowls"
Person 2: "I like spoons"
1: "I like forks"
2: "I like knifes"
(Etc.): "I like bread"
"I like butter"
"I... like toast"
"I like toasters"
"I like microwaves"
"I like ovens"
"I like fridges"
"I like counters"
"I like numbers"
"I like math"
"I like reading"
"I like books"
"I like pages"
"I like words"
"I like letters"
"I like ink"
"I like pink"
"I like purple"
"I like red"
"I like beds"
"I like pillows"
"I like sleep"
"I like sheep"
"I like smeep"
"Smeep?"
"Smeep"
"Well then... I like sbeep"
"That's like, the exact same thing as smeep"
"No it's not. Totally different"
"If you were typing, it would look like a typo"
"Well, we're talking"
"So?"
"There can't be any 'typos' while talking"
"Oh. Ok. I like meep"
"Oh, c'mon! This is just getting repetitive!"
"So?"
"So? Argh!!! Well you know what I'd like?! I'd like you to shut up!"
"I'd like you to put a sock in it"
"I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE!!!"

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*2 Monthes and 60 Cans of Spaghetti-O's Later...*

I haven't posted in... so long.... T_T I feel ashamed of myself. I also eat Spaghetti-O's all the time now. They're so gross... But I was raised so I didn't know the meaning of good food and liked the gross unhealthy stuff. So I like Spaghetti-O's. :D
Anyway, the main reason I posted this is (you guessed it!) a rant! Totally, I mean, OMG! It's not a bad rant really, just a... rant. Y'know? So I've been fixing up my room, dealing with annoying guys, and well... being me. (Me, being a depressed anti-social freak. xD KIDDING)
So yeah, my older brother and a friend of mine don't really get along. And I keep forgetting, so I mention them around each other and in a few seconds, I'm thinking, "Oh frick, not again! >.<" If any of you guys know the people I'm talking about, or you're stalking my blog but not following it, please tell them/remember I am sorry!! I'm forgetful!!
My mother and I have also re/developed depression. So you know what that means kiddies!! I WASN'T kidding!!! xD OK, no, that time I was TOTALLY kidding. I'm not kidding you. (Confused now? Good) Anyyyyyway. Because of my depression, I have gotten NO work done, and we also haven't gone to see a doctor to see if it really is depression. *Which it probably IS.*
Also, I think my first ex-boyfriend is still pining from the loss of me. Tsk. Really, the only reason I think this is because he keeps annoying me by flipping my hair. I've stopped even acknowledging him when he does this because I won't give him the pleasure of having my attention. I'm so evil, am I not?
ALSO I think that if I just do whatever, I will be happy. I don't care if I'm not in their click. So what? I know I have plenty of people who agree with me, and am OK. I so need to clean my room... :P

Asta la Vista, Babee. (xD)
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A Post

Helllllllllllooooooooooooo.

Like I told you. Cookies. Anyway, I'm in a slightly melancholy mood. Yeah... It was mostly because I was think about something along the lines of, "Y'know, just cuz you've complimented me on something before, doesn't mean I still won't feel happy if you compliment me on it again." Anyway, I'll keep my rants short as not to spam you all with my personal life.

See ya,
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Drawings of Which I Drew (Part 1)

Here are some drawings I drew and colored yesterday and today. Enjoy! Bon appetit! Voila!
These look waaaaaay better in person, trust me. :)

Adieu (I'm in a French mood, OK?),
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This is the human hologram disguise version of a robot character I made up. Her name was Rainbow, but she preferred being called Rain. She's a cutie, but has a... negative personality? I'll be designing the human hologram disguise versions of Damier, Tobi, Stretch, Linx, Experiment 203, and Victor soon enough (all robots).

This is a girl I drew who came from a series of planets called 'The Trinity' considering there are three of them. One of the planets started to rebel, which caused an all out war. Her parents were both members of the military there, but sent her away in this pod for her safety. The lines in the background are because she's being transported to a ship (the people on it are friends of her parents). That's basically all I have on this. Oh, and she's also the equivalent to being 'half-Mexican.' As in she has a 'Mexican' mother, and a er... Caucasian father.

 

 

The road you walk is dusty,
and I guess sometimes it'll get in your eyes.
But don't worry, It's okay,
these are the times it's okay to cry.
So your motivation could be lost,
and you're feeling a little down.
If that happens, make sure to laugh at yourself.
Make yourself your own personal clown...

Annnnnnnyway. >.< My friend posted a picture (To explain: she's an online friend of mine, never seen her drawings before) and I was like OMG. Girl, you can DRAW. And most of you know I like drawing, too, right? Well, anyway, as of late, I've been having trouble drawing things I'd like too. I don't have any new ideas for drawings, and when I do, the drawing never comes out right... Makes me so sad :(
Well, I guess that's all I have to say.

Bye,
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New York Bound

 Hello, O my few blog readers! :)

A girl at our school is going to be moving to New York after the school year. Everyone is making a big deal out of it and everything. I'm not really sure how to react to it though. I mean, we were never that good of friends considering she's the out-going, good-looking, energetic-being popular girl and I'm the quiet, boring, (occasionally-called) 'cute' girl. (Notice how she got 2 hyphenated words, and I only usually got 1 non-hyphenated word.)  I mean, she's nice (and her mom is really nice too, my parent's didn't pick me up from school and she offered me a ride. Of course, awkward silence followed), really really nice. It's just..... I don't know her that well. I don't know her friends well. To tell the truth, the only person I know well is me. Sigh... Oh me, oh my. Dear apple pie. My life has gone and passed me by. Perhaps it was all a lie. The days are short, with nothing new. It seems I just can't seem to do, the things I used to. I used to smile, I used to laugh. ........Iusedtomakereallysimplepoemsthatweren'tsodepressingandhadwordsthatwereeasiertorhymewith,notlikelaugh.

Anyway... I wish you all good tidings and success, and stuff.

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Unspoken Agreement

I've always felt that there was once an unspoken agreement between all peoples. That agreement being that all people will feel sorry for the ones who act strong, but hide their pains. The others who are quiet and act just the way they feel, they are never sorry for. Thus, the ones that qualify to be in that last group aren't as likely to get over their pains, or fix them.
Unfortunately, this is the way I find the world works.

Too tired to come up with a real good-bye,
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Words from the Wise

Just remember kids,

Stabbing yourself in the gut won't help your headache, it'll just make you die.

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This is.. Unexpected

Somehow, I told one of my friends I had a few blogs. Thus, he wanted me to send them all to him. For me, this is truly unexpected. I've known him for awhile, but when we first knew each other, our relationship was... strange. Let's not delve deeper.
So, after he told me he wanted to see my blogs, I was surprised to say the least when he said that he wanted me to tell him every time I posted a new.... post. :D Although I was happily surprised.

So, without much else to say, I bid you adieu.

I'm still surprised,
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It's not.

You know that classic story line where the popular guy's limo fails to show up on time because the driver's wife is giving birth and blahdeblahdeblah... Then a clumsy little girl in his class comes racing out because she would be late for the bus and trips and blahdeblahdeblah. Then the popular guy starts laughing, and the girl is all like, "What da heck, why you laughing at me? You coulda helped me up!" And then blahdeblahdeblah, and they fall in love and live blahdeblahdeblahily ever after.
Well, it isn't a storyline that would ever happen in this small little town I live in (I'd like to call Towntopia for now). For here, in Towntopia, the popular guys hang out with the popular guys, the popular girls hang out with the popular girls. And the popular guys will date the popular girls, and vise versa. Nothing. Ever. Changes. So.... in Towntopia.... -_- Let's just say.... I don't have a chance of getting that awesome guy who hangs out with all my old friends, and boyfriends of my old friends, and new friends, and etc. So.... I guess I'm stuck with my friends who.... cannot be described by words.

Lovingly yours,
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Trapped in a Pure Heart

"Amelia, would you like a ride home?" Sophie's mom offered, but Amelia politely shook her head.
"No thank you Mrs. Williams, my house is close by here anyway," she said smiling.
"Alright, if you're sure," Mrs.Williams climbed into her car, followed by Sophie. The two waved as they drove off. Amelia waved after them smiling, but soon turned and walked back into the church. After she walked upstairs, Amelia went into a small room without a purpose and leaned against the wall by the door. Staring at a cross hanging on the opposite wall, she sighed.
"You've kept me here long enough, don't you suppose? When do I get to roam free again?" She knew the answer to that already. It was when someone recognized she was a demon and freed her from heart. The pure heart that wasn't hers.
"You know this isn't really me," Amelia said, still addressing the cross. "Amelia means crafted from God. That means you made me, and you know that's not my real name either. It's R-" Her curse prevented her from saying her name. "Well, you know what it is. And... my name is also the name of a beautiful, dark bird. Which is why I was called that."
She stared at the cross silently for a few more moments before heading into a room that was more or less for entertaining purposes. There was a big couch at the back of the room that she slept on, so she laid down on the couch and proceeded to do so.

Amelia woke up the next morning with a sharp pain in her chest. She put a hand to where her heart should be and realized something.
"Raven," she said aloud. "My name.... I can actually say it." She was lightly smiling, but grimaced when she felt the pain again. She got up and walked back to the small room again, assuming the same position.
"Thanks, I guess. I dunno what I did to get you to take away that fake heart, but thanks anyway," she looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "But because I don't have my real heart yet, I can't leave this place, huh? Oh well, I'm not quite ready to leave yet anyway...."

Sophie was eating her cereal when her mom walked in to prepare her breakfast. Her mother got herself cereal as well, and sat down across from her daughter.
"Hey, you still okay with only being able to see Amelia once a week?" She questioned Sophie.
Sophie sighed, but nodded. "Yeah, she's been getting a bit stranger lately, but she's still my best friend. I shouldn't judge her for anything, even if she is mysterious."
Mrs.Williams smiled wearily and looked at her daughter. "That's my girl," she said, standing up and ruffling Sophie's hair.
"Where ya going, mom?"
"Just for a quick drive. I'll be back soon."

Amelia, or rather, Raven was sitting out on the lawn of the church when a car parked, and Mrs.Williams stepped out. Raven's eyes widened, but she tried to keep her cool.
"Mrs.Williams! What are you doing here?"
She crossed her arms over her chest. "I might ask you the same thing, Amelia."
"Oh... Well-" Raven fiddled with her thumbs trying to think of an excuse.
"And don't try one of your lies. I know you're not who you say you are."
Raven gasped, and her eye's widened even further as she looked at the woman in front of her.

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Meh...

Dear Diary,

Our school was good last year. Yeah, not just good, terrific! But this year, it was just plain stupid. Today was a snow day. Do we get to hang out and have fun? No. Do we get to work on stupid stuff we don't need to be working on? Yes. I hate it, oh so much. Farewell then, my pretties. I'm sure your day was better than mine.

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Heeeeeeey

I dunno why I'm posting this. Just to post it? Meh, Oh well. Loves ya!

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P.S. Ugh. Why do boys like me? Can anyone maybe answer this in the comments?

Blogging :-\

I might be obsessed with blogging.

Because everyday I check if I have comments, and I post new entries all the time. Oy Vey, what's wrong with me? Is it wrong? I have no real life... T^T I'm digital! Totally digital!

Meh,
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